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28/03/2014

Fantasies fulfilled, one night at a time

"One-night stands are the best way to live out your sexual fantasies."

I didn't agree, but decided to hear him out anyway.

 

"There are probably about five fantasies I'm keen to explore during my life," he said. "I'd like to shag in public, I'd like to try bondage, I want to try group sex, I want to try costumes and I want to do it the way they do it, but with someone like that."

 

He had nodded his head towards a gay couple in a bid to keep the conversation relatively cafe-friendly. The ''that'', in this case, was a beautiful blonde woman passing by on her morning coffee run. It was going to be one of those breakfasts. I got comfortable.

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"See, with a one-night stand, you don't owe them anything. You don't have to be sensitive to future plans. You can do exactly what you want to do, no inhibitions, because it's not like you're trying to build a relationship with them, and you're worried your freaky sex dreams will go over the wrong way."

 

I elected not to tell him that, in my seven years as a sex writer, the freakishness he was so proud of wasn't really so far out. On a fantasy scale, they were pretty tame. But he raised an interesting point. Is it easier to explore the possibilities of your erotic imagination with someone you barely know? Is a person with no prior knowledge, and no preconceived notions, the best fantasy-sex buddy you can get? Or are you better off with someone you can trust - someone you love?

 

Let's consider the one-night stand, a common experience these days. You meet, you talk - usually you drink - then the playground is negotiated, and the play ensues. There's enough trust to make it to this stage, there's enough mutual attraction as well - there's probably also enough inhibition-blocking booze in your system to push out prudish notions of propriety. So why not suggest slipping into something a little more latex-y. Why not put to bed a fantasy as you go to bed with your one-night-only lover? You're planning to never see them again - so what have you got to lose?

 

I can see the reason. I can see the cold logic. But I can't get excited about the idea. It seems too much like the behaviour of a brutal user. Sex shouldn't be so selfish. Are one-night stands anything but?

 

Of course, there's a real chance you're both up for the activity proposed. We are talking about two consenting adults here, two people who agree they want to shag each other, and aren't so hung up on the morning-after routine.

 

Maybe, for example, they hooked-up online with the sole purpose of finding sex-fantasy fulfilment. Indeed, if you've orchestrated such an occasion, please feel free to share your story in the comment section below.

 

But my chum isn't talking about that. He's talking about putting it out there and seeing what comes back. If there's a bite, it's game on. Congratulations, you've found a willing accomplice - do the deed and don't worry about the consequences.

 

Except, consequences can be good. Consequences can lead to growth. Avoiding addressing a sex fantasy with your partner for fear of consequences could be a bigger mistake than thinking only strangers can satisfy your wildest dreams. Imagine, if you can't already relate, the wonderful pleasure of knowing that your partner not only wants you to reveal your dreams, but wants to help you realise them too?

 

Some of the best relationships I've ever known work because the people within them are deeply committed to making the other happy. They are honest with each other. They are aware of each other's needs and desires. They are open to trying new things. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work - but at least they went there. They love each other enough to move on. And, hey, they know each other enough to see when they might be on to something they both want, that works, and only gets better with exploration. The kind of exploration you can only do if you're with someone for longer than just one night.

 

Yet I know there are people in relationships who feel they'll never fulfil their fantasies because their partner will never understand. Just as there are people who are single, and would love to meet a stranger for the sake of wild experimentation, but feel they can't, because it's too far out of their comfort zone. In these situations, sometimes the pleasure is in the fantasy alone. Dreams don't have to be realised to be enjoyed.

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05:31 | Tags : news | Lien permanent | Commentaires (0)

26/03/2014

Family's agony over mother who vanished without a trace three years ago

'Mummy went to the shops and never came back': Family's agony over mother who vanished without a trace three years ago

A family are still desperately searching for a missing mum after she vanished during a shopping trip near her home in Collinstown, West Dublin, three years ago.

Esra Uryun was 38 years old when she disappeared leaving behind her husband of seven years, Ozgur, her then two-year-old son Emin, now five, and her older sister, Berna Fidan.

‘Has someone got hold of her? Has something horrible happened to her? It just doesn't make sense,’ Berna says fighting back tears on tonight’s Channel Four documentary, The Missing.

The harrowing programme delves into the mystery of the 2,000 missing people who vanish without a trace in Britain each year.

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‘She wouldn't just run off on her own. That child was everything to her. I don't believe she would have taken off and left her baby behind,’ says Berna as the documentary airs touching home video footage of a doting mother kissing her little boy and saying, ‘I love you’.

Esra's distraught family is unable to continue normal life and unable to grieve, but live in hope that they will one day be reunited.

Esra Uryun, 38, has not been seen since leaving her home at Collinstown in a silver Renault three years ago

After Esra’s disappearance, her husband and son moved to London and in a heart-wrenching moment little Emin talks about the mother he hardly remembers.

'She went to the shops by herself. She didn't know the way home, then she got lost somewhere,' he says as he plays at home with his father.

Ozgur tries to describe how hard it’s been for his son, ‘I can't understand what's going on. Think about his little brain -- how he's trying to cope with the situation.’

Turning to his own experience he says, ‘You’re always fighting between your heart and your mind. Your heart is saying she's coming back but your logic is saying the probability is getting low.’

An hour after Esra left for the shops that fateful morning, her silver Renault was clocked on CCTV footage in the nearby town of Bray.

Since her disappearance Berna has gone to extraordinary lengths to bring her sister home and has visited Bray fifteen times in the hope of uncovering further evidence.

‘It hurts me to be here, but I keep coming back all the time -- because she's here somewhere and I need to find her,’ she says bravely of her search.

‘I try and block it all out my head and pretend it's not my sister. I hate putting these posters up. I see lamppost with missing dogs and cats and I'm having to put my sister's picture up,’ she says reaching breaking point.

The police found Esra’s car abandoned in the town’s parking lot, but there’s no proof Esra herself was the one who drove it there.

'There wasn't a shred of evidence she was ever in Bray because the CCTV footage is so appalling, you can't see who the driver is,’ explains Berna.

'All I want is an answer and that's when I'll be at peace. There’s a baby, who's now five years old, who's growing up without the love of his mum.'

Because there’s never been a sighting of Esra since her disappearance, police have downgraded the investigation. The detective leading the search suspects suicide.

Blurry CCTV footage showed a female walking from where the car was parked towards Bray Head, a nearby hill.

'I can't say whether that's Esra or not but I can say the CCTV does not pick up that person coming back down,’ the detective explains. But Berna is convinced the woman is not her sister.

The detective believes the passing of Esra’s father in 2010 may be linked. ‘It affected Esra more because she was living away from her family,’ he says and adds, ‘In 70 per cent of suicides, there's no note.’

But Berna is far from convinced and continues to publicise her plight. 'What damn proof do they have that my sister's dead?

'How can you commit suicide and no one come across the body in such a public place. It's still a search in my eyes. She could not bear to be away from her son.’

As she prepares to leave Bray, where she will no doubt return, Berna explains, ‘It’s hard coming and it’s even harder going back. She’s my flesh and blood, my only sister. She’d do the same if it was me.’

‘I know I‘m torturing myself but how can I let it go? With no closure, how can I let it go. It’s impossible,’ she says.

Berna continues her search to bring her beloved sister home but, like thousands of families round Britain, a lifetime of uncertainty may lie ahead.

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24/03/2014

Teeny Tiny Devon Wedding at The Summerhouse: Katie & Dan

Teeny Tiny Devon Wedding at The Summerhouse: Katie & Dan

 

Katie and Dan had a teeny tiny wedding at The Summerhouse on the Millbrook Estate in Devon in December. Because they kept their guest list so small, they were able to do exactly what they wanted and to pull it all off for under !

 

Their smaller than average budget certainly didn’t mean they had to compromise on the things that really wanted. Katie had a custom wedding dress made by Jo at The Couture Company and they booked the amazing Shell de Mar to shoot the day.

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“We met Christmas 2007 through a mutual friend”, began Katie. “We had our first date in November 2008 at Birmingham’s Frankfurt Christmas Market and a year later Dan proposed at the Christmas Market, we celebrated our engagement with Glühwein and tiny pancakes covered in melted Nutella. With Christmas being such a defining time in our relationship already, we decided to get married on 14th December 2013 and to have a rustic, vintage and Christmas themed wedding! We just wanted cosy and laid back, we like to think we achieved that.”

“The summerhouse was quite rustic and with the log fire going, the candles lit and the fairy lights twinkling”, she continued. ” It was incredibly romantic in there. Our wedding was unique because it was a teeny tiny wedding with just us, our dog and our parents. We got married in The Summerhouse in front of a roaring log fire.”

 

Not everything went to plan though, and they’d originally planned a very different wedding. “We actually had a wedding already planned but the venue went bust so it was cancelled”, Katie wrote. “It was a blessing in disguise though as it allowed us to take stock of what we wanted our day to be like and the whole format of the wedding changed. We picked Millbrook because they were dog friendly and let the dogs attend the ceremony. We wanted our dog Holly to be a big part of our day as she is a big part of our lives. I actually discovered Rock n Roll Bride after the cancelled wedding, when planning the second, and it spurred us on to really do the day just how we wanted.”

 

“We wanted it to be a lot more casual than a formal wedding, I find suits and morning jackets a bit ridiculous so Dan’s outfit was from Next and we banned anything too formal! My dress was custom made by The Couture Company in Birmingham. It was my third dress! I had two meringue type things and kept thinking I wanted a meringue but they just weren’t working. Two months before the wedding I went and saw Jo and fell in love with my dress straight away. They were absolutely amazing fitting me in and getting my dress made on time.”

 

“The Vintage Party Company did the catering and provided gorgeous vintage crockery. We had a winter themed afternoon tea with finger sandwiches and mince pies with clotted cream. The most unique aspect of our wedding was the Alpaca feeding, it was a lot of fun and they are the cutest things! We have lots of lovely photos of us feeding them.”

 

“We saved money by having no guests as there were no meals and drinks to provide! My mother in law also made my bauble bouquet from a DIY tutorial that we found online. The biggest expense was my dress and the photography but they were both so worth it!”

 

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07:09 | Tags : news | Lien permanent | Commentaires (0)